stressful.

annyeong bloggiee. i am back. these few days were really bad for me.

i cried. i feel stress. i feel my life's meaningless. i feel that i am empty. i feel that i am useless.

i have a lot of things to post. about my tuition. i do not know why i am so stupid. foolish.

as you know, i am still working for my tuition since january till now.

january to september. 9 months plus. with unfair salary. the reason i endured until now is because my boss is my friend's mum.

i have to admit i am giving her face. but this is not right at all. it should not be like this.

i should gain whatever i have deserved. everyone told me this.

i have been teaching more than 2 classes per night but i was only paid for 1 class.

i have been asked by boss to work in the afternoon that i don't need to go but i was only paid for that 2 hours without higher salary.

i was asked not to angry when my boss tell me that one of my new colleague's salary is rm 25 per period due to living far away from tuition.

i was asked to rotan the students when they are not behaving well in class. i will only do it when the students didn't do my homeworks.

i was asked to find new teachers to work at night without any commission.

i was apologised by the person in charge at the end of the class because she scolded me in class. sorry. words are hurt. it's unforgivable.

i was asked to finish 3 lessons per night based on afternoon session's. if not, i will be scolded.

i was forced to bring back students' books to mark as i do not have time to mark them at tuition.

i was there at the centre when my boss use the thickest rotan to beat the students. i am shocked.

some of them even cried and stopped tuition after that. i am surprised.

i was sad for my students when they lodge complaints to me. but i can't do anything.

i was this , i was that .. there's so many things happened within 9 months and yet i just mum.

how can i? how can i be so patient for 9 months? aren't i am violence? why am I treated as a dog?

why did my boss take advantage on me? what's her purpose? can i just slap her?

can i just quit? but i can't give up my students :( i love this job very very much :(

my students trust me more than boss and person in charge :( i don't feel stress with them but sometimes their academic makes me stress . can i just leave? :(

i know if i leave now, means i am irresponsible :( but i cannot endure with it anymore :(

i wish i can talk to my boss. :( sadly, she said she doesn't know anything :( is she pretending? :(

can i get whatever i deserved? :( can i don't leave? :(

why i am so stupid? :(  can someone provide me courageous and brave-ness to talk to her? :(

i am afraid that i might shout in the middle during the talk if i can't control myself :(  i am violence :(

can i just die? :(

i feel that the world is unfair to me :(

i feel that everyone in the world is bullying me and trying to take advantage on me :(

i feel meaningless to continue my life :( i do not know what to do and i feel so stressful :( urgh :( :(